'Even though we've all survived through the struggle that made us, we still look at ourselves through the eyes of the people that hate us' Immortal Technique
I had my registry wedding last weekend and had my nikaah (Mosque wedding) two months ago, the reactions from people have varied widely, ranging from the accepted social norm of 'congratulations' 'hope you have a happy life together' to 'is she pregnant?' and even 'why on earth did you get married?' to the worst of them all; pure silence. Clearly it is almost always unwise to pay too much attention to naysayers and just people who are bloody rude, but I can't help but feel, even just a little, that it's taken some happiness from my marriage. The fact some people I barely ever talk to or know have gone out of their way to message me and wish me a hearty congratulations makes the absence of love from some loved ones all the more cruel.
Yes we are in our early/mid 20s but isn't the fact that getting married, young or not, is something to abhor say more about society that it does about myself and my husband? We make each other the happiest we have ever been, we're practically obsessed with each other, we have the same ideals and family values and would never want to be with anyone else. Why shouldn't we get married? To fulfil the Western ideal of kissing frogs and indulging in a bit of bed-hopping in order to decipher if I eventually want to be with one of the bed-hopping recipients? I don't know why society thinks that this is the path to a more guided decision, because as this path has become the norm, people haven't become any happier and marriages certainly haven't lasted longer.
I am not even a marriage advocate, up until I fell for my husband the thought of being married made me vomit in my mouth a little, waking up to the same annoying face everyday was a scary and sickening thought. I declared to my mother that I was destined to be alone with a line up of adopted Angelina Jolie (no Brad back then) style kids. I still want to adopt but that is another story... Even now I think that if you are not religious, but intend to be with a person there isn't much point in getting married. And I'm really strongly against getting married because of an accidental pregnancy, it devalues your marriage, plus God isn't fooled guys. Yet marriage or some kind of partnership is something that non-religious people still seem to want, denoting that nature over nurture wins.
Yes I decided to get married and announced it four days before we did it but that's just me, I thought I was being clever. I though I could get hitched with as little fuss as possible because being the anti-girly girl that I am, the thought of being fussed over and at the centre of attention terrifies me. I don't even have or want a wedding ring, that's how unconventional I am, which of course I keep getting cussed about. I also just wanted to call the person I love the most 'my husband' and not 'my boyfriend', as we always felt it was such a downgrade for what we felt for each other. What I have ended up with is people being offended that they weren't told or invited and then ending up having to have no less than five wedding celebrations in total, yes FIVE! I have also had every Tom, Dick and Harry asking my husband whether I am up the duff because God forbid a young man would want to marry me by choice and not because of some social convention to make up for a bastard baby. Even my father's boss asked my ultra conservative father if this was the case, someone tell me how it could possibly be socially acceptable to suggest to someone's Muslim father that your daughter is going to have a child out of wedlock?
My penchant for categorising has of course extended to those who are happy for me and those who aren't. My massive extended family are so happy for us and are not in the least bit offended that they weren't invited to my nikaah, in fact they are so excited they have immersed themselves into throwing two celebrations for me. As a Muslim, marriage means you have completed half your deen (religion) so of course it is a huge celebration, and sorry to say but it is all the Muslims in my life that have been so happy for us. My in-laws are not Muslim so perhaps I should have been prepared for reservedness but utter silence from some has unexpectedly cut me up.
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